I'm gonna live.

The other night I had a life-coaching session from my friend Anna.  She isn't actually a life coach, she's just nosy and bossy (with love).  And I didn't invite her over to coach me, I invited her over for a drink and some nibbles.  She came over at 4:30 and left at 11:00.  Yeah, it was like that.  I've had some messiness in my life recently (see January post) and I've been trying to get through it, and it being February and a new month and all, I've been trying to make a fresh start.  But making a fresh start doesn't just happen.  It is a process of little changes that we have to do.  A house doesn't just appear, it is built, you know? 

These changes have come with a lot of self-reflection.  There are some big questions I don't want to ask myself but won't find the answers to unless I ask the questions.... did that make sense?  Questions like; what am I afraid of?  What do I really want?  What do I value?  How do I view myself?  It is rather easy to toss those questions over the shoulder like some spilled salt and deal with them later.  It is way too hard to actually think about.

The truth is that I have some pretty scary monsters under my bed and in my closet.  They make themselves quite comfortable and then they keep me up at night.  They keep me down, you know?   They tell me how unattractive or pathetic or awful I am and I have finally said enough.  I have let them stay way too long.  I feel like Kaylee in "Serenity" (yes, I am a syfy nerdgirl) when the whole crew is pinned back by reevers, and Simon finally tells her his one regret is not being with her.  She says this great line, "To hell with this, I'm gonna live."  That is exactly how I feel.  Bring on life, I am ready to toss the monsters out of the house.