Thursday, June 25, 2009

Notes from a technidiot

Okay, so here I am at the technology in education conference. It is in Copper Mountain which is stinkin pretty. I am sitting outdoors, watching the rock climbers on the climbing tower. There is this little kid starting up. He is a little spider-man, climbing climbing. He stops, shaking, holding onto the rope, saying "I'm done, I wanna come down." But the guides are great, they hear him, they give a tip, "there's a great handhold to your right," and the kid finds the wall again and keeps on climbing.

I feel the same about technology in the classroom. I thought when I played Oregon Trail and Lemonade Stand on my dad's old Apple IIe in the 80's (with 5" floppy disks, MENU and RUN GO) I was more technology-savvy than most of my friends at the time. But technology got away from me somehow. I lost my edge. Suddenly there were gadgets, devices and software that I had never heard of. It all is supposed to increase efficiency in the classroom, but how would I know that? We don't even have formal training in my school for the gadgets that we do have. And as a teacher I am not too keen on adding more job descriptors to my title.

Then I remember that great routine by Louis CK. If you haven't seen it, or don't know what I am talking about, you can look at it here. Everything is amazing right now and nobody's happy. Teaching is an amazing place to be right now and I want to embrace the good stuff. I came up with a few plans to implement next year; a wiki for my class, keeping up with my moodle, doing online weekly writing prompts, podcasting students' commentaries. There is a lot to do and I think the best way to tackle it is one step at a time. I want to believe in the amazing, not be embittered by the unfamiliar.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I need a personal assisstant.

I have learned something about myself in these first three weeks of summer. I need a schedule, but not just any schedule. Anyone can have a "schedule". I can schedule a time for watching People's Court, or doing the jumble, or napping, or watching my cats napping. I think I need an assistant who will plan stuff for me to do, set an agenda for the day, something for me to follow.

Having free time is kinda crappy for one who's sole aim in life is to procrastinate. My problem lies in the transition moments. I can work out every day, but then I hem and haw and stretch and yawn and two hours later I still haven't gotten in the shower. What is up with that? If I had an assistant, let's call her Vera, then I would have someone tell me when is workout time and when is shower time. Otherwise I will work out, find out that Susan Sarandon is on the View in half an hour and gee, I would really like to see what ol Susan has been up to and then I can do 30 extra minutes on the rowing machine and who cares about time anyway because it is summer and where do I have to be later, that big line at the DMV? You see my point? No structure. No rules.

I do get out of the house. Occasionally I will have a date or engagement or thing to do during the day, but the meantime has been filled with unproductive, mindless nonsense. Vera would keep me in line, I think.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

California here we come, right back where we started from...

I haven't blogged in a while. When school was out I went into a hibernation that involved catching up on my netflix, knitting, and trying to build a nap into every day's schedule. And then I went to California for a vacation and discovered a blissed out serenity and contentment that I haven't had since I was 19. Let me share it with you.



I spent two days staring at the ocean in San Clemente. I was detoxing my brain from all the muck and clogs that just didn't get cleared out during the school year. And while I was staring out at the ocean, its constant movement and gentle waves, I felt this very clear peace. It was the kind of contentment that comes with being comfortable with who I am, where I am, what I am doing and what the future holds. It was amazing. How many of us get to feel that... or the better question, how hard is it to get into a place where we can accept that feeling?

It was as though all the stuff I hang onto when I am stressed out... the pulling hair out just to have something to clutch in my hands feeling... was gone. I was able to extend my fingers out and feel free of those clutches. The security blankets I know and love can sometimes keep me from being confident, feeling loved, and experiencing peace. In California I was able to let go. And in that moment, I felt content. The freedom that comes with that is intimidating, because you still have to face the dark corners. But there is such freedom in knowing that you can face the dark corners without your security blanket. I am trying to pursue the moment... each and every one I find this summer.