Super Girl fights the perceptions of others!

This has been a strange summer for me. Not like alien-visitation strange, but more "awareness-of-who-I-am" strange. I found some photos that I hadn't seen before, I met new family members, I tried beer from Thailand. It was almost like I was looking at this person I used to be and thought "who was that?" I think people do that in their 30's, reflect a lot on who they are, where they came from and inevitably, they look toward where they are going.

As humans, we tend to compare ourselves to others. And sometimes that comparative analysis can lead us into dangerous waters. The waters where our insecurity and fears become magnified. I have been watching a lot of Mad Men this month and I see it a lot in the 60's. There was this unspoken standard to be "normal" in the 50's and 60's that was ultimately repressive and emotionally shaming. Now (even today) we sometimes compare ourselves to the "norm", the "standard expectations" that seem to satellite around us. But I am finding that those standards don't apply to me, and that feels really freeing.

I have said to many people this summer "99% of how another person treats you is about them and not about you". Well der! But it is one thing to know that and another thing to own it. If we get that negative message in our head and then start a story around it, then all that stuff about it being about them is moot.

So what is my supergirl strength? Well, I vow to fight the stories in my head and be aware of what is definitely NOT about me. Fight the "norm", be YOU and whatever makes you YOU is meant to be.

I've got suitcases full of issues.

“If I could fully accept the truth that I am forgiven and do not have to live in guilt or shame, I would really be free. My freedom would allow me to forgive others seventy times seven times. By not forgiving, I chain myself to a desire to get even, thereby losing my freedom.” – Henry Nouwen

Last week was pretty hard for me. I struggled with my top three “gah” inducing issues. I am sure we all have at least one of those issues; family, self-image, confidence, success, blah blah blah. Mine are sometimes triggered by well-meaning people and then I am sent to my bed listening to sad FM and drinking Coyote Gold from the bottle with a straw. Well, it wasn't that bad last week, but I did feel some anger, some self-pity and some awesome self-loathing. And this week as I was trying to get myself free of the garbage that hangs on after one of these rockin episodes of crappiness, I found some very wise words and had a real epiphany.

This summer my mantra has been “Let Go”. I love the songs that really underscore the letting go, “Babylon” by David Gray comes to mind, and that Frou Frou song, “Let Go”. I think the theme of these things is to let go of whatever is keeping you down. Be unfettered, be free to go forward. But I think this really hit home for me yesterday as I was reading the above passage by Henry Nouwen. I thought about all the things that have come easily to me, in particular, this wonderful house I bought last year. I really really really wanted this house when I first saw it. It was the one. But I never had a moment of anxiety that I wouldn't get it. I just knew that I would be living in this place and that it would be awesome.

Well, obviously home-ownership is not one of the issues I struggle with. In fact, the issues that I struggle with are the same issues I carry around with me everywhere I go and in everything I do. It is like I have these three giant suitcases full of my neuroses. I pack the suitcases with my wants, my fears, my insecurities and all the issues that trigger them. And whenever these issue suitcases are triggered, they get heavier.

But then there is the promise of faith. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see, right? So if I hope for a resolution to these issue suitcases, I am gonna have to set the suitcases down. Because if God intends to give me good things (as I believe He does) then I can't receive them if I am schlepping suitcases around. Can I get an Amen? I have to let go of my suitcases full of issues. In fact, I have to toss them away, let them fall open, and let all my issues come flying out. I can't get what I want if I am clinging to what I have. Taking control over my own issues and trying to “fix” them just won't work. If I let go, then I can receive what God would have for me.

In order to receive the things I want, I have to let go of the things I carry.

What are you tired of carrying around?