What did I really do this summer? Well, I caught up with "All My Children", took up golf, discovered indie-hipster music, texted, played some online Scrabble, and set aside time in each day to sit and stare out the window. And here's the thing, I had a remarkable summer.
In all the shoulda, coulda, woulda's that we clog our lives with, there is never the freedom to sit and be and enjoy the moment. A couple things happened this summer to bring me all to willingly into a place where I can sit and be, guilt-free. This is called "rejuventation" and it is a necessary part of life.
So what happened?
- I started reading lots of books and articles and poems which encouraged me to be present in each moment. It was interesting how it was sort of coming together, this idea of being mindful of each moment. This is the moment to embrace, and I want to be engaged in it.
- Some dear friends went through some big changes. In particular, my friend Amy decided to make a career shift into the wild and unpredictable world of self-employment. As I was pretty stable and rather idle this summer, I felt that I could encourage her to take the big leap. Shoot, I wasn't bungee jumping off the bridge, so why not sit back and help my friend take that big leap? But I learned something really valuable about faith in talking to her; first, if you are swinging from trapeze to trapeze, then you have to let go of the first bar before you can catch the second. That is the scary part. But the reward of letting go of the first bar isn't the bar you are swinging to, the reward is faith, trust, and the relief that you made it safely. The bar is just the means. My faith in God increases not when He blesses me, but because He is blessing me.
- My aunt was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Big sigh. My Aunt Marti is 60 years old and is fresh and passionate about life. This diagnosis has come with a lot of tears, a lot of searching and a lot of processing. As I have talked to her, as I have played scrabble with her and longed to be in New York just to hang out with her, I have learned even more so that this moment is the one. We can't worry or be anxious about the future, especially when we don't know what the future will bring. Being present means being in this moment.
I hope that I am ready for the next school year. There are always "shoulda, coulda, wouldas" there too. But I know that what has been going through my mind this summer has prepared me for whatever moments come up this next school year. My job is just to show up for them.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on" --Robert Frost
4 comments:
I am honored to be mentioned in your blog. I feel famous! :)
I wish I could internalize the trapeze lesson as quickly as you have.... It's been an incredibly helpful metaphor and I reflect on it often. I did let go of the first bar, but now I'm staring terrified at the net (or lack there of) instead of at the next bar.
Um...Indian cookbook? YUM! I'll help you test out a recipe or two!
And indie-hipster music--when do I get my next mix cd?
BTW: The new format looks great--love the tree!
Amy
First of all, I love the tree and Temper Trap - such a sensory treat!
What you are learning really resonated with me. Even though I'm taking no outward leaps from a bar, I can relate to that scary undertaking as I let go of old thoughts and beliefs, people's opinions of me, and the ways I've viewed myself. They may be old and wrong, but they're something to hang onto! Letting go is terrifying. But what a true statement you made about the rewards of doing this very thing. So beautiful and a definite encouragement.
I will continue to pray for Aunt Martha as she is in this scary place on her own journey. And for you, your mom, and the rest of the family in your support of her.
First, the music is a bit distracting, but I am a really old person who is okay with silence and does not need a musical background to help me think. Second, The trees and green are nice background, but again I live in the northwest and can look out the window. Third and probably needs to be first, I am glad you took time to reflect this summer. I have a feeling that we are all going to feel like we are in between trapezes for a while and that is okay. Being comfortable with chaos is necessary. Love, Mom
Gasp, I just took a close look at the photo of you and Aunt Martha and it looks like Howard had a "slide show" set up for us all to view. Aunt Martha was on her way back to the Northwest after six months in Europe and England completing her internship. She stopped to see you on her way home. You were about two weeks old, just before Christmas 1975 Love, Mom
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