What I learned from 33 Chilean miners

The last of the Chilean miners has emerged from half a mile below the surface of the earth. Amazing. I watched the streaming video and I showed the video to some of my students today. Everyone wanted to see this amazing thing again and again. My eyes filled with tears again and again. It was so powerful; no commentary, no ads or banners, just the camera trained on a hole in the ground, and the patience of waiting for something wonderful to happen.

As each of the miners emerged, they were so happy. Their families were so happy. The Chilean president tried to describe how the miners felt when they came out of the darkness and into the light. He said they felt "reborn" and most of all, they felt alive. I am incredibly claustrophobic, I can't imagine how they felt living in the hot, humid darkness for 69 days. Did they wonder if they would ever get out? Did they imagine the worst?

It got me thinking about mindsets. Those men survived because they set their mind to hope, to trust and to live. I sometimes feel like I get stuck in the emotional mine shafts of my life. I head down a dark path hoping to excavate something that needs to come out, and then there is a cave in and I am stuck in a dark, scary, terrifying place. I know how easy it is to resolve myself to never getting out. It would be easier to stay in bed, eat cookies, and shut off the phones. And no matter what my friends say or do, I have to change the mindset myself. Nobody can change it for me. But when I adopt the mindset that these problems are just momentary, that I am not defined by my sadness or by my negativity, wonderful things begin to happen.

"faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

What is your mindset today? Are you saying "yes" to yourself or is it easier to just believe that things will never get better? I have learned to trust that "yes" mindset. I may be disappointed by moments of blargh, but life is not disappointing. Life surpasses our greatest expectations, but only when we ask it to.

It's a hard knock life...

I am nearing the end of September, thank the good Lord.

It was a bit of a month. There were lots of little turkeys to cross my path; electrical problems, computer woes, vomiting cats. All that stuff can be fixed rather easily, and it was. But then there were some big, frickin gorrillas that came and beat their chests in the midst of my calm. These problems are much larger than I can get into in a blog-like format. I pay someone to help me with those problems, or I make my friends listen to my emotional vomiting and then I buy them a beer.

I guess my point is that I was stuck in this downward spiral. Just when I thought things were coming back around, a little turkey or a big gorilla messed it all up. There is a certain amount of helplessness in circumstances like these. What can I do but hold up my arms and say, "meh"? So that's kind of what I learned this month. There are always turkeys or gorillas and sometimes we have to let go in order to move forward. During September, I filled my journal with a laundry list of these down-turners. Then I realized that I needed to start filling my journal with what I hoped for rather than the things that were bringin me down. It made me feel so much better, and it was so easy to do.

It all comes down to perceptions. If my perception or outlook is to recall and check off this laundry list of horrible things going on in my life, then that is all I will have. But does it benefit me to count my woes? My Gramma Mae always said, "count your blessings." It was a phrase I always rolled my eyes and nodded at. But when the fit hit the shan this month, my blessings were all I wanted to think about. Okay Gramma, I'm trying.

pearls of wisdom

Here are a few little sayings that I have acquired over the years. Some are from my mom, others are from bumper stickers I've seen in Wyoming.

• If there's nothing you can do about it, then it isn't about you right now.
• Resenting someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
• Be kind, everyone you meet is involved in a difficult struggle.
• Success is the best revenge, (murder is a close second).
• Don't take the stories that you write in your head for truth.
• Everybody poops.
  
• Guilt is not from God.
• No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

What are some of bumper sticker worthy phrases you've heard and remembered?

What my summer has meant to me

Early in June, summer meant that I would get to catch up on all those projects that I didn't get to do during the school year: knitting that baby blanket (or four), reading the novels that sat idle on my bedside table, making candles, cooking every recipe in my Indian cookbook, writing and producing my first CD of folk ballads, re-landscaping my patio, discovering a new element, mediating world peace.

What did I really do this summer? Well, I caught up with "All My Children", took up golf, discovered indie-hipster music, texted, played some online Scrabble, and set aside time in each day to sit and stare out the window. And here's the thing, I had a remarkable summer.

In all the shoulda, coulda, woulda's that we clog our lives with, there is never the freedom to sit and be and enjoy the moment. A couple things happened this summer to bring me all to willingly into a place where I can sit and be, guilt-free. This is called "rejuventation" and it is a necessary part of life.

So what happened?

• I started reading lots of books and articles and poems which encouraged me to be present in each moment. It was interesting how it was sort of coming together, this idea of being mindful of each moment. This is the moment to embrace, and I want to be engaged in it.
• Some dear friends went through some big changes. In particular, my friend Amy decided to make a career shift into the wild and unpredictable world of self-employment. As I was pretty stable and rather idle this summer, I felt that I could encourage her to take the big leap. Shoot, I wasn't bungee jumping off the bridge, so why not sit back and help my friend take that big leap? But I learned something really valuable about faith in talking to her; first, if you are swinging from trapeze to trapeze, then you have to let go of the first bar before you can catch the second. That is the scary part. But the reward of letting go of the first bar isn't the bar you are swinging to, the reward is faith, trust, and the relief that you made it safely. The bar is just the means. My faith in God increases not when He blesses me, but because He is blessing me.
  
• My aunt was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Big sigh. My Aunt Marti is 60 years old and is fresh and passionate about life. This diagnosis has come with a lot of tears, a lot of searching and a lot of processing. As I have talked to her, as I have played scrabble with her and longed to be in New York just to hang out with her, I have learned even more so that this moment is the one. We can't worry or be anxious about the future, especially when we don't know what the future will bring. Being present means being in this moment.

I hope that I am ready for the next school year. There are always "shoulda, coulda, wouldas" there too. But I know that what has been going through my mind this summer has prepared me for whatever moments come up this next school year. My job is just to show up for them.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on" --Robert Frost

Spring Cleaning

Now that school is out (YAY!) I have had a chance to clean out my house. I am not a messy person by any means, but sometimes when something lands in a place it isn't supposed to be, it stays there until I decide to move it to the right place. And moving something to the right place often involves cleaning out the right place so it can fit there. Kind of a chain reaction. It doesn't help that I watched a marathon of "Hoarders" on A&E the other day. If you find yourself facing a mountain of chores, errands and projects, watch some "Hoarders" and suddenly that honey-do list looks paltry and you should go sit yourself by a pool with an umbrella drink, cause you are doing ALL right.

No, I don't have a hoarding problem. I do have a great number of Dansko shoes and Clinique samples, but what I really seem to collect is sentimental stuff. Postcards from my best friend in the third grade, wedding invitations from 10 years ago, articles on do-it-yourself pedicures, pictures of boys I used to lurk on, dried corsages from school dances. All these things were in shoe boxes in my closet. I started going through them one night after a particularly energetic closet clean out and I realized that I really didn't remember my associations with some of the things. That scared me a little because 15 years ago I kept the crumpled foil chocolate wrapper for a reason. Some of the stuff I was glad to find; an 18 page letter written by my best friend while she was in Germany, birthday cards that were particularly funny, my Duran Duran pin. Good stuff. But some of those things are just so unnecessary now. I pared down my closet because I want to be able to share it with someone someday. And I pared down my memory boxes because I am ready to make new memories.

My life feels like it is in stasis sometimes. I gear up for big challenges and once I succeed (or fail... very seldom) then I sit myself down with a beer and celebrate my achievement. It feels good to be through the challenge, and I am not one to actively seek out new challenges. So, consequently, I wait for challenge to come to me. But I have realized this year that I have to go after the things I want. I want to share my house with a husband, but I have to go out there and face the challenges, not of finding him, but dealing with the emotional baggage that surfaces when I am "out there". That is the scary part. And maybe my spring cleaning has given me a little respite from some of that stuff. I have saved an awful lot of crap that has nothing to do with who I am becoming, and everything to do with who I was. So goodbye to saved artifacts of a life gone by, hello to space to make new memories.