I haven't written here in a while which was due partly to busy-ness (trip to Spain, end of year, blah blah blah) and mostly the stress and emotional agony of being involved in the world of online dating. Yes, my reader, I have been on a lot of dates in the last six months. Well, a lot for me. You have to realize that for a very long time my life was similar to that of a monk, or a wayward singing nun in an Austrian convent. I was super single. And I hated it. I wanted to be so super chill with my singleness. I wanted to not cry when I received wedding invitations and when that one guy I kinda liked didn't text. I wanted to be okay.
So it was a hard last 6 months for me. There are a lot of stories I could tell you about some of the guys I went out with. Hoo boy, there's another blog that one. The truth of this whole process is that I had to dig deep and find the self-compassion that I knew would be a balm for my aching loneliness. Because let's face it, dating someone isn't really an answer to prayer, it is just a review and remodel of your prayers. Yes, my dear reader, I am in a relationship with someone and it is pretty awesome. I like the fact that there is now a wonderful man in my life who calls me "sweet girl", texts me daily, appreciates my love of cheese, and brings me flowers. Ah... let's take a moment to drink in the nauseating, syrupy, icky, gooey romance of it all. Okay, cause when that moment is over, the reality sinks in. Getting involved with someone is not a Disney movie. It's hard work to listen, share, reveal, understand, connect, trust, and communicate.
My prayer for someone wonderful has been answered, and now I shift the focus to be patient during this foundational relationship work. I have to access a whole new skill set that in my many many many years of monastic singleness was absent to me. But I think in this whole process of getting to know my guy and being with him and building a relationship, I am learning the most about myself. What kind of listener am I? What kind of communication do I provide? What relationship skills are most important to me? How can I best meet my partner's needs in this moment? These questions are just the start. And since I can't be with my guy 24/7 (which in the beginning of a relationship you totally want to do) I have a lot of self-reflection time to practice patience and self-care. The most important part of this relationship is what I am learning about myself. And then the hope and prayer becomes how I can best show up in this relationship so that it is honest and real and fun and delightful.
It's been a while.
