Summah summah summah tiiiime

I am starting to think about what I want to do this summer. The list is growing; trips to the west coast, conferences, prep for a new class, etc. etc. What about the fun things like writing and producing my first album or watching every Katherine Hepburn movie? I think summer should be a balance of play and work. I will have work this summer, that is just a fact, but I think I can also set my mind to more fun goals. My worry, however, is that I won't have the drive and volition to meet these goals if I don't have a daily schedule. I always want to do so much but then end up sitting outside reading a pile of cheesy books.

What are you going to do this summer? What is on your list? How will you make time to get it done? This may be moot for those of you with jobs this summer, and if this blog entry causes you pain, I am so sorry. But I want to know how to make three (actually 2 and a half) months stretch into a summer to remember.

I'm mad as hell... and I'm not gonna take it anymore...

These are the questions that plague me as I stagger to the end of the year;

• A) Why do students feel a sense of entitlement about life?
• B) Why is it so hard for students to assume responsibility for things they have done wrong... even when there is overwhelming evidence that they have done something wrong?
• C) Why is conflict resolution so difficult for students to master?

I have a theory about this actually. I think that some students are scared for the next step in their journey and they don't feel ready to be adults. That is a bummer. Graduation and all that comes after it is the big adventure. It is hard to embrace that. Sheeeewt, I was gonna go to the University of Oregon until I realized that I would actually have to leave Colorado to do it. I remember being scared, and I think in some ways I still am scared of the next chapter. But these students seem ambivalent to the outcome of their choices. I knew that I would find my way eventually, but what do these students see in their future? Do they see the hope of a job that utilizes their prime talents and skills? Do they see the ability to own a home and have health insurance? Do they see love, family, happiness?

This is a lot of question-y stuff. This has been a tough day and I am just mostly venting and trying to find an answer to something that may not be answerable. But I am really tired of not asking the big questions. I think I have become complacent to the smoldering issues because I am too tired to fight the fire. Let it burn itself out. OR--do I start seeking out ways to make things fireproof?

Gah... big questions that mostly stem from anger... good or bad thing?? :-)

acceptance, validation, and twitter

So I want to be accepted. I want people to validate me. I have lately seen my fevered pitch for acceptance come to a head on Twitter. Now I think that there are three types of people on the twitter; those who follow, those who are followed, and those who try to do both. It has been interesting to be followed by people I don't know and I get addicted to my little "following". And then there are those I follow, like Jimmy Fallon, Diablo Cody and Eddie Izzard. Secretly, I want Eddie Izzard to follow me, find me hilarious, and then ask me to open for him on his next tour.

Which leads me to what I think everyone wants, no one is satisfied by, and what God kinda busted me out* about last week. I was lamenting that I didn't have more followers and wondering why and kinda feeling all mopey. I heard God's voice very clearly say to me, "why are you seeking acceptance?" and I thought about it and told God that everyone wants to feel validated and loved and accepted. Then I heard the voice again, "when will you finally feel accepted?" and I told God that if people like me then I can be more confident, der. Then I heard the voice again, "You have a hard time believing that I accept you and that I love you and I am God. What could people give you that I haven't already offered?"

I kinda felt like an idiot. I mean, I can barely accept myself sometimes. The validation we receive from others is wonderful, but flawed. It always runs out, it never reaches the deepest parts of our soul's longing and it is asking for acceptance from people who are equally as insecure. I need to remember where my ultimate acceptance and validation comes from... THEN I can accept the love and validation that others offer without wanting them to fulfill some deep need.

Does this make sense? I wanted to get this blog out and into the cosmos. The following verse from Hebrews really stood out to me last week;

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him."But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved. Hebrews 10:35-39.

I hope you have a great week and that you feel validated and accepted and FOLLOWED by the one who loved you first, and I hope that validation fills your soul. Happy Holy Week!


*to "bust one out" is a technical term which means bring to attention or suggest an alternate course of action. :-)